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Ask A Hottie Vol. 9: I'm 18 And My Boyfriend Says He's Not Ready To Propose Yet

Ask A Hottie Vol. 9: I'm 18 And My Boyfriend Says He's Not Ready To Propose Yet


Welcome to “Ask a Hottie,” Break’s weekly column in which their resident 6.5/10 (or 10/10 if we decide to be nice and round up…but we never decide to be nice and round up) pretends she’s prettier than she is for the 45 minutes to an hour that it takes her to write a response to your weekly questions. Being completely honest, it’s great — is this what it feels like to be the belle of the ball? To be crowned Prom Queen? To be picked first for kickball instead of second to last alongside the token fat kid?

Who WOULDN’T pick this…”creature” first for sports?

And even if you don’t think I’m deserving of a 6.5/10, you have to admit — that puppy sweater is fucking LIT.

Do you have a question for Rebecca and/or Rebecca’s puppy sweater? Send it to AskABreakHottie@gmail.com!

Now for the fun part!

Q: Ever since I was old enough to drive I have wanted to buy a motorcycle. Back then I was living with my parents, and because I had no money and was under their rule, I was unable to buy one. Then I went to college, graduated, and now I have a solid career that pays well. Time to buy a bike, right?

WRONG. My girlfriend of eight years told me she disapproves. She said that it’s either her or the bike, and that now that I’m older (I’m only 29) I’m going to have more responsibilities coming up in life, like buying a house, having kids, etc.

I love my girlfriend, but I also want this motorcycle and don’t want her to leave me over it. What do I do?

A: How is this a question? You don’t get the bike, duh.

I know that’s not the answer you want, nor is it the answer I want to give — frankly, I’d rather tell you to kick her ass to the curb and then drive over her foot with your bike as she walks away. Sadly, I know that’s not the right answer here (though feel free to stop reading and do this anyway if you’re only here for some self-validation.)

You need to forget the bike.

Look, your girlfriend isn’t trying to ruin your fun. Your girlfriend isn’t some motorcycle-hating she-beast with an agenda running against activities that’ll inevitably lead to you growing a beard, buying leather jackets and wearing head scarves. Your girlfriend does, however, have a vested interest in keeping you alive for as long as possible, logically because she loves you, but possibly so she can knock you off at a later date and collect on your life insurance policy. Assuming it’s the former, can you really be mad at her for not wanting you to buy a bike?

“But I’m a safe driver” you say, “I’ve never even gotten so much as a parking ticket!” That’s nice — what’s your point? Driving a car is nowhere near the same as riding a bike. The chances of you dying in an accident while riding a bike versus driving a car are significantly higher, and considering that you mentioned wanting kids down the road…well, what’s more important to you: seeing your kids grow up, or feeling the wind whip through your hair as you fly down the highway?

Because no matter how safe you think you are, eventually you are going to crash. Maybe it’ll be your fault and something small, like hitting your mailbox as you turn into your driveway, but then again maybe it’ll be something big, like getting crushed underneath an 18-wheeler because he merged while you were in his blind spot. The point is, do you want to take that chance?

Honestly, you’re both justified here — you’re an adult man who should be able to buy a motorcycle if you want to, and she’s an adult woman who should be able to have the reasonable expectation that her boyfriend isn’t .003 seconds away from having his guts splattered all over the road at any given moment. What it comes down to is this: which do you want more, your girlfriend or the bike?

At the end of the day, you have to make that decision for yourself, not me.

Q: I have been with my boyfriend for four years. We started dating in high school and are now freshmen in college. I know we are young, but we have had a stable relationship the entire time we have been together. He is my world and I am his.

Last night we had a talk about getting engaged and married, and he said that he thought we should wait. He said that we were still young and that even though he had originally agreed to propose by the end of spring semester, that he had only said that because he felt like I was pressuring him.

I agreed to wait but I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face. I’m afraid that he won’t propose for a really long time if we wait and that he’ll always have excuses. How do I convince him that proposing is the right way to go?

A: I know there are certain areas in this country where people tend to marry younger rather than older, and I want to be clear: there is nothing wrong with getting married young.

…but.

Child, the chances that you’re going to live happily ever after at 18 years old are slim to none. You know what I was doing as an 18-year-old college freshman? Blacking out on Pomegranate Burnett’s. Trying to figure out how to drink beer and not gag. Learning how to navigate the Virginia Tech bus system because we didn’t have public transportation where I grew up. In other words, I was busy being your average college kid — not trying to chain myself to some dude so I could further my dreams of winding up on the Jerry Springer show by 24.

Also, just look at what you wrote: “He is my world and I am his.” Girl come on, anyone writing sappy bullshit like that NOT as a joke needs to take a hard look at themselves and flip some shit around. This isn’t Game of Thrones and your romance isn’t anywhere near the levels of Khal Drogo and Khaleesi, so don’t try to posture like it is. You’re two kids both fresh out of high school who don’t know what the real world has to offer. Being completely honest, I held onto my high school boyfriend throughout my freshman year of college, and you know what? I totally regret it. What a waste of fucking time. I’m not saying YOUR boyfriend is definitely a waste of time, but, y’know…he probably is.

And besides, why the fuck do you wanna get married NOW? Wait until you’ve at least graduated college, and then maybe a few years after that even. The person I was at 18 is completely different from the person I was at 21 when I graduated, and the person I was at 21 is even more different from the person I am now. At 18 I was a dipshit. At 24 I am still a dipshit, but at least I know how to function in society as an adult. You two currently live in a bubble that alleviates most real-world stresses from your relationship: you probably live on campus so you don’t have rent, you probably eat at the dining halls so you don’t have to budget for food, you don’t have jobs so there’s no question of how paychecks are going to be split for each of your needs — basically, you’re trying to get married on “Easy” mode while your parents are both still funding your lifestyles, but when the money runs dry and “Hard” mode kicks in, how the fuck you think that’s gonna go?

Your boyfriend is right. Don’t get married, wait it out and if in five or six years or so you wind up tying the knot, feel free to email me “I TOLD YOU SO.” Something tells me I’m never going to get that email though, and not because you’re too lazy to send it.

Do you have a question for Rebecca and/or Rebecca’s puppy sweater? Send it to AskABreakHottie@gmail.com!

 



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